When Emotional Release Becomes A Way Home To Yourself

Making Space For What You've Been Carrying Through Emotional Release

In the journey of personal healing and growth, one of the most crucial yet challenging aspects is the act of sitting with and making space for emotional pain. The human experience is multifaceted, encompassing joy and sorrow, triumphs and tribulations. However, it is often the discomfort of emotional pain that we tend to avoid or suppress. As we go about our daily lives, it’s easy to overlook the significance of pausing and allowing ourselves to sit with the uncomfortable or inconvenient feelings. Yet, this act of courageous vulnerability is where the true essence of healing resides.

As we journey through life, we inevitably encounter moments of pain and trauma that shape our experience and perceptions. From childhood through adulthood, these emotional wounds accumulate, often becoming buried deep within our psyche. Whether it’s the sting of rejection, the ache of loss or the scars of past traumas, these experiences can leave lasting imprints on our emotional landscape.

Over time, if left unaddressed, this accumulated emotional pain can become repressed, lurking beneath the surface and manifesting in various ways, impacting our relationships, behaviors, beliefs, thought patterns and overall well-being.

I once heard someone use the analogy that repressed emotions are like leftovers we keep putting back in the fridge day after day, and that image has really stuck with me on my own journey of navigating my big feelings. Eventually, those leftovers get pushed to the back, forgotten about and left sitting there until we're ready to deal with them. Perhaps it's time to start cleaning out the fridge of your soul.

When we courageously open the door to our inner world and start digging around in those dark corners, we might find ourselves saying, "Oh no, I forgot this bag of spinach was in here!" (aka an old story or hurt we've been carrying around). As we gently explore those forgotten corners of ourselves, we have an opportunity to acknowledge what we've been holding onto and lovingly welcome those parts of ourselves back home.

And much like cleaning out a fridge, this process happens one thing at a time, at our own pace. We don't have to tackle everything all at once.

The healing and releasing of this pain we have held onto is a process and happens over time at deeper and deeper layers - like our own personal onion of healing if you will.

It seems we're all carrying around our own personal healing onion and much like the kitchen variety, sometimes a little peeling comes with tears.

The layers of our onion looks different for everyone. I have found there is an outer layer of awareness, an emotional layer, a visceral or physical layer and a mental layer. These layers are always interconnected and as you find healing in one layer, it immediately affects and creates shifts in the others.

Peeling Back The First Layer: Awareness

“Awareness is the first step”. This has been my personal mantra for the last several years through my own personal growth. Awareness is the outermost layer of our healing onion. When we become consciously aware of a specific emotional pain point, the spark of awareness has been ignited and a choice is now available to you. You have the choice and the power to make a decision to create deep change and a shift in your life based on this newfound awareness. Sometimes the shift or change can be subtle but know that it can still have powerful effects. Making a conscious decision to then acknowledge and create a conversation with this pain is the next layer in our onion.

The Emotional Layer: Cue the Tears (and spicy air)

Navigating the emotional layer involves diving into the depths of our being, where the pain of past traumas and events resides. Yet, in feeling into this pain, we embark on a transformative journey of release and healing. We have to feel to heal. It’s not about re-living the specific trauma but rather about acknowledging and honoring the messages embedded within our pain. These messages, often emanating from aspects of our soul or inner child, yearn to be seen and heard. As we allow ourselves to fully experience the pain that surfaces, we grant permission for it to move through us in whatever ways it needs - whether through tears, screams, anger or what feels authentic to your own process.

A wise healer once shared with me that our tears are our medicine, highlighting the cleansing and healing power of crying as a means to release pent-up emotions. Through this cathartic process, we liberate ourselves from our emotional repression, paving the way for profound healing and personal growth.

The Mental Layer: The Stories We Keep Telling Ourselves

In the mental layer, we come face to face with negative thought patterns and old limiting belief systems that we have held onto so tightly within our psyche for years. Whether they are beliefs that we are not enough, we are not worthy, we do not have the right to exist or negative thought patterns of lack, worry or fear that have become so ingrained in our daily life that we begin to create our lives from the low vibrational energy of those thought patterns.

The Physical Layer: When Feelings Get Physical

We're often conditioned to suppress or ignore our feelings, leading to a disconnect from our innate ability to process and navigate our emotional experiences. As a result, when we encounter unfamiliar physical responses to our emotions, we may feel confused or even frightened, lacking the guidance and understanding to make sense of these experiences. This can perpetuate a cycle of emotional repression, making it more difficult to cultivate emotional self-awareness.

Our emotional experiences don't happen in isolation from our bodies. In massage therapy school, we learned the saying, "the issues are in the tissues," which speaks to the deep connection between our minds and bodies. It helped me appreciate how our experiences can affect us on multiple levels and how tending to our emotional well-being can be part of a whole-being experience that integrates our minds, bodies and inner worlds.

In my own experience, as emotional pain moves through me, my body may respond with shaking, trembling, shuddering, constricting or other movements. These responses can feel unfamiliar, but physical experiences of emotion look different for everyone. By approaching our bodies with curiosity and compassion, rather than fear or judgment, we can begin to listen more closely to what we're experiencing and what might help us feel grounded and supported.

When The Cosmic 2x4 Hits

In my experience, emotional releases often happen spontaneously (and at very "inconvenient" times), and they're a very individualized experience. Sometimes, they hit you like a cosmic 2x4 out of nowhere. Other times, you may feel irritated, agitated and completely resistant to the surprising, uncomfortable feelings rising within you. You begin pacing and don't know what to do with yourself. Then you stub your toe and BAM! The wave of emotions comes rushing up. It always reminds me of Peach, the starfish from Finding Nemo, exclaiming, "Today's the day!"

And sometimes, our first response is an emphatic "NOOOOO! Not today!" But those feelings have been building and suddenly, there they are, demanding our attention. There can be a roaring and crashing of emotional waves, thunderclaps of thoughts and deeply held beliefs yelling so loudly that it's hard to hear anything else.

But this is the critical moment. This moment is the invitation and opportunity to breathe into your courageous heart and let yourself be vulnerable, curious and open to feel. To let yourself listen to the messages the pain has for your soul. To trust that you will survive the pain in this moment, you will make it out on the other side.

No Two Releases Are The Same

In my own experience, I've learned that not every emotional release unfolds the same way. I've found that for me, there is what I call the Wave and what I call the Wounded Spiral.

For me, The Wave is an experience where an emotional wave rises, moves through me and gradually and naturally begins to settle after the release. I allow myself to feel what is coming up and sometimes I don't even have a clear sense of the emotional root of what is releasing in the moment, I just ride the wave of feelings the best I can. The feelings may be uncomfortable, but there is a sense that I can move through them and that they won't consume me. As the intensity softens, I find that the waters begin to calm and I naturally move into a place of quiet and stillness.

Other times, something much deeper gets stirred up. During the Wounded Spiral, my emotions become entangled as I get swept up in a rip current of old stories, thoughts, fears and deeply held beliefs that hit a very deep wound I've been carrying for a long, long time and they seem to grow louder and darker the longer I remain caught up in them. Rather than feeling as though something is moving through me, I begin to feel as though I'm getting pulled further under the surface into the depths of the pain. I can lose touch with the present moment and become so absorbed in those familiar fears that it becomes difficult to find my way back to myself.

I've come to recognize that these different kinds of emotional experiences call for different navigation tools. Sometimes, continuing to sit with my feelings is supportive. Other times, I need to pause, interrupt the spiral and find a way to reconnect with myself and the present moment. I've learned I don't have to push through every feeling or follow every thought to its darkest conclusion.

Learning to recognize the difference has been an important part of my own journey and it's something I'm still learning to navigate. I'll be sharing more about my Wounded Spiral emotional experiences and how it's radically changed my relationship with my inner child in an upcoming article on re-parenting ourselves back home.

Tools For Navigating the Waves of Release

Here are some tools to use when an emotional release arises that have helped me in my experiences:

Ground Your Body:

• Practice deep belly breathing exercises to help calm the nervous system and facilitate emotional release.

• Engage in physical activity or exercise to release tension stored in the body and promote the flow of emotions such as heel drops, stomping, shaking out your whole body.

• Incorporate mindfulness techniques such as body scanning, to cultivate present moment awareness and observe emotions without judgment.

• Connect with nature with a walk outside or sit under a tree.

Express Yourself:

• Engage in journaling to process and express emotions in a safe and constructive manner.

• Utilize creative outlets, such as art or music, to channel and express emotions in a non-verbal way.

• Allow yourself to yell into a pillow or cry if needed, as tears are a natural and cathartic way to release emotional pain.

• Practice self-forgiveness, compassion and kindness towards yourself throughout the process, acknowledging the bravery and strength it takes to confront and release emotions.

• Repeat these phrases: "I hear you and I see you. I love you. Thank you for what you are showing me and teaching me. I release you. I don’t have to hold onto this story anymore, I don’t have to carry this heavy bag of fear, guilt, shame, grief on my shoulders, in my heart, and in my bones anymore. I surrender to the release, to the space this moment is creating in my mind, my body, my heart and my soul."

Reach For Support:

• Seek support from a trusted friend, family member, or therapist to provide comfort and guidance during the release.

The Stillness After the Storm

Once the wave of emotions passes… there is silence. Stillness. This phase of integration and reflection is just as vital to the healing process as the actual emotional release.

You may experience these contradictions that somehow feel right:

Tired, red and puffy eyes, yet you have clearer vision of how you feel and what you desire.

You feel emotionally raw yet buzzing, alive, hyper-aware and aware of a deep shift.

You feel empty and drained but more whole.

You feel lost and not sure what do next. Whether it is getting up off the floor and taking a shower, making tea or calling a loved one.

You feel lost about what steps you want to take next in your journey with this newfound awareness.

Yet you also feel found.

Within every release is the gift of rediscovering a part of yourself and who you truly are. I find another piece of myself with every emotional release, a piece I might have forgotten or buried and repressed - a piece I have been too scared to bring out of the dark shadows and into the light.

Let It Pour Onto the Page

I have found journaling after an emotional release to be an incredibly helpful way for me to process and integrate what I experienced. I give myself permission to free-write without judgment or the need to make everything sound neat or coherent. I simply let the words pour out of me: messy, honest and completely authentic.

I might write about any insights or clarity that surfaced during the experience, what I was feeling before the release or the subtle differences I notice afterward. Has something shifted emotionally? Does my body feel different? Is there more space, softness, clarity or simply something I can't quite put my finger on yet?

Sometimes, the act of writing helps me connect dots I wasn't consciously aware of before. A thought leads to another thought and suddenly something that felt confusing begins to make sense. At other times, I discover a new perspective or a way forward that I simply wasn't ready to see before the release.

One of my favorite parts of this practice is being able to return to these reflections later. What I wrote in the rawness of the moment can become a kind of sacred reflection of my journey and a glimpse into what I was moving through, what I was learning and how much I have truly changed along the way.

Sometimes, the words I wrote weeks or months ago hold a message for me that I couldn't fully understand at the time. Looking back, I can see the threads connecting experiences that once seemed unrelated.

For me, journaling has become a way of listening to myself, to what is unfolding within me and to the bigger picture that I sometimes can't see while I'm in the middle of it.

Letting Go to Remember

The transformative power of creating this space for all of our emotions is an integral part of our journey of remembering our true self. Embracing the full spectrum of our emotions is not merely an act of courage; it is a profound catalyst for transformative healing. By allowing ourselves to feel the depths of our emotional experiences, we pave the way for profound shifts in our well-being, relationships, behaviors, beliefs and personal growth.

Through this courageous exploration, we dismantle the barriers that inhibit our authenticity and connection with ourselves and others. As we cultivate a deeper understanding and acceptance of our emotions, we unlock the potential for profound healing and ultimately empowering us to live more fulfilling and authentic lives.

Feeling your emotions is the magical kernel of remembering. This practice of feeling and acknowledgement leads to freedom, empowerment and clarity. As difficult and painful it is to let go for just a second and give over to whatever is asking to be released, it is coming up for a reason, at this time in this moment. It is asking to be seen, felt and heard for your healing, for your highest good, for your goals, dreams and manifestations that might be needing you to let go of this piece of held pain in order to move forward. To make room for the new experiences and opportunities to come in and for peace to surround you once again.

The journey of returning home to yourself is wild isn't it?

I share my stories and experiences with the intention to validate and help anyone out there who might feel alone with their experiences. Connection is what heals us to our core. I am right here with you, holding my onion and bravely taking the next step on the journey home to myself.